1 /5 meg b: After far too many terms at this leisure centre, I’ve decided to dry off for good. It turns out consistency isn’t really their strong suit — unless we’re talking about how consistently inconsistent they are.
1. The “Under 5s” Water Rule:
Apparently, carers must be in the water with children under five… unless you’re wearing a hijab. Then, magically, supervision from the sidelines is suddenly fine. Either enforce it for everyone or admit it’s a “depends who you are” rule.
2. The “No Phones” Rule:
No phones allowed — unless, of course, you’re besties with the lifeguards. Then the rule evaporates faster than the pool chlorine. Nothing says “community spirit” like selective enforcement.
3. The “Children Must Change Alone” Rule:
Children under five must use the change room of their own gender.
Three tiny problems:
a) What five-year-old can manage their towel, shoes, clothes, and wet swimmers without turning into a puddle of tears (or losing half of it)?
b) How exactly are parents supposed to feel confident about who’s in the men’s changeroom?
c) I’m dressing my kids so quickly they barely know where their own privates are, let alone anyone else’s.
And while we’re at it — there’s a perfectly good set of school changerooms sitting empty, which could easily be used for families. But no, they remain locked, because... reasons, apparently.
4. The “Perfect Technique” Obsession:
Finally, the swimming lessons. If Michael Klim himself showed up with less-than-perfect arm rotation, he’d probably be told to start again at Level 3. Kids are supposed to enjoy learning to swim — not train for the Olympics before they can tie their shoelaces.
So, farewell to the pool where the rules float around as unpredictably as the kickboards.
Where Locals Work Out: Best [8] Gyms and Fitness Centers in Broadmeadows, VIC
